How to Set Healthy Boundaries During the Holiday Season

Protecting your boundaries during the holiday season is an essential part of maintaining emotional well-being, especially when family patterns or old stressors start resurfacing.

The holiday season can feel complicated, especially if you’re visiting your hometown or spending extended time with family. Old dynamics tend to reappear, certain memories feel closer to the surface, and parts of yourself you thought you’d outgrown can suddenly feel alive again. It’s a delicate time, not because you’re weak, but because being around familiar people in familiar places can reopen emotional patterns you’ve worked hard to move past.

Research shows that holiday periods often heighten stress, emotional overwhelm, and even seasonal low mood due to changes in routine and decreased sunlight. The combination of stressors like financial pressure, loneliness, disrupted sleep, and emotional expectations can make people more vulnerable during this season, both physically and mentally. So if you’ve been feeling “off,” drained, or overstimulated, you’re not imagining it.

When you’re more vulnerable, your boundaries can become easier to cross, sometimes without anyone meaning harm. That’s why protecting your emotional space during the holidays is one of the most important acts of self-care you can practice. And with a little awareness, you can navigate this season with more clarity, calm, and choice.

One helpful approach is using small, CBT-inspired mindset shifts. These aren’t strict rules or rigid techniques, they’re gentle ways to stay connected to yourself, even when the environment around you becomes louder, messier, or more demanding than usual.

Identify Your Emotions When Holiday Stress Rises

Start by noticing how situations make you feel in real time. If your chest tightens, your thoughts speed up, or you feel smaller than usual, pause and ask yourself, “What about this moment feels overwhelming?” Simply identifying what’s happening inside you helps you stay grounded instead of being swept into old emotional roles.

Prepare Yourself for Holiday Triggers

Another helpful strategy is preparing for predictable situations. If you know certain topics always drain you (maybe your career, relationships, appearance, life choices), remind yourself that you’re allowed to steer conversations away from those areas. You can say something gentle like, “I’d rather not talk about that today,” and that’s enough. You don’t need to defend your boundary for it to be valid.

Take a Break When Holiday Overwhelm Hits

When emotions rise, give yourself permission to step away. It is a fact that self-care practices like sleep, movement, and stepping away from stressors can significantly reduce holiday overwhelm. A short walk, a breath of fresh air, or even a few quiet minutes in the bathroom can reset your mind. In CBT, this simple pause interrupts the emotional intensity and helps you respond instead of react.

Challenge Your Automatic Thoughts

It also helps to challenge the unhelpful beliefs that appear around family gatherings like “I should stay longer,” “I should say yes,” or “I should keep everyone comfortable.” Ask yourself if these thoughts are facts or old patterns. Most of the time, they come from roles you were assigned in the past, not the person you’ve grown into now.

Close Your Day with Awareness

Finally, try to end each day by checking in with yourself. What made you feel good today? What drained you? What boundary helped you feel safer? Awareness turns into choice, and choice strengthens your ability to protect your emotional space tomorrow.

Remember: the holidays are not a test of how strong you are or how much you can tolerate. You’re allowed to take care of yourself, to set limits, to need space, and to choose peace over pressure. Nobody is perfect, and you’re not responsible for making everyone happy.

You deserve a holiday season that feels safe, gentle, and aligned with the version of you that you’re becoming, not the version others expect you to be.

References:

Lushniak, B. D. (2013). HOLIDAY SEASON STRESS FREE. Public Health Reports (1974-), 128(6), 434–435. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23646585